ash marrow

community-based deathcare

resources

local resources
remote resources
recommended reading
  • Beginner’s Guide to the End, BJ Miller & Shoshana Berger
  • It’s OK You’re Not OK, Megan Devine
  • The Wild Edge of Sorrow, Francis Weller
  • Healing Through the Dark Emotions, Miriam Greenspan
  • Die Wise, Stephen Jenkinson
  • The Five Invitations, Frank Ostaseski
  • When Things Fall Apart, Pema Chödrön
  • The Denial Of Death, Ernest Becker
  • Briefly, Perfectly Human, Alua Arthur
  • Bearing the Unbearable, Joanne Caccitore
  • Ritual: Power, Healing, and Communit, Malidoma Some
  • A Grief Observed, C.S. Lewis
  • The Smell of Rain on Dust, Martín Prechtel
glossary of terms and concepts

Advance Care Planning: any work you do to plan for or end of life. This includes medical orders and who will make decisions if you’re unable, vigil wishes, disposition and treatment of your remains, financial and estate wishes, relational wishes, and downsizing your possessions. Some of these are legally binding documents, and some are informal requests you should make clear to your loved ones.

  • Advance Directive / Living Will / Medical Directive:  This legal document identifies your Health Care Agent and what your medical wishes are in specific common situations. Many people also include their DNR/POLST forms with this document for emergencies.
  • Last Will: This is a legal document that lays out who will inherit your money, land, and possessions
  • Ethical Will: this is an informal message to your loved ones that includes the values and lessons you want to leave behind, hopes for their future, or relational wishes you have for them.
  • Vigil & Memorial Plans: this is an informal outline of how you would like to be treated shortly before and after death, and how you would like loved ones to observe your departure.
  • Estate: the summary of finances, real estate, possessions that must be managed after death.

  • Medical Power of Attorney / Health Care Agent / Health Care Proxy: an identified person who will make medical choices for you when you are unable to do so for yourself. This representation agreement ends upon death.
  • Financial Power of Attorney: an identified person who will make financial choices for you if you are unable. This representation agreement ends upon death.
  • Executor: an identified person who will manage your estate after death. This can be a long, tedious and demanding job.
  • Beneficiary: an identified person who will be inherited estate in the form of money, real estate, or possessions.

    Please note, it may make sense for one person to handle many of these responsibilities, or it may make sense to ask several people, depending on their time, energy, and emotional capacity. There are options to outsource these duties to paid professions in addition to, or in place of loved ones.
  • Medical Assistance in Dying (MAiD): a formal deathcare option to accelerate death for people who are 18, have a grievous and irremediable condition, and of sound mind to consent to receiving death-inducing medication under supervision of a medical doctor.
  • Voluntary Stopping of Eating & Drinking (VSED):  an informal deathcare option that many people choose to accelerate death by voluntarily refusing food and water

Body Disposition Options

  • Burial: placing the intact body in a designated location. This can be done at a traditional casket or compostable materials such as pine box, cardboard, or shroud. This can take place at a traditional cemetery, green cemetery or at sea (under strict conditions).
  • Cremation: accelerated reduction to ash through incineration (2-3 h)
  • Aquamation: accelerated reduction to powder substance with alkaline hydrolysis (10-12 h)
  • Terramation: accelerated reduction to soil through composting process (8-12 w)
  • More disposition and memorial alternatives and ideas here. Please be aware that availability of these options differs between provinces. Currently in BC only burials and cremations are legal options.

Treatment of Remains Options

  • Body-tending – an intimate time to care for the body after death before rushing to the next step. Can be slowed down with dry ice, cooling blankets, and include things like closing the eyes and mouth, washing the skin, brushing the hair, clipping nails, annointing with oils, dressing the body, or wrapping in a shroud; can include flowers, notes, and sentimental items.
  • Embalming – a chemical process of preserving the body from decay done professionally by a licensed funeral home.
  • Restorative Arts – professional service to reconstruct damage to tissue and apply makeup for the purpose of viewings.

  • Cremation Witnessing/Viewing: families can say goodbye to love ones and witness them going into the fire, often with the option to press the button themselves.
  • Home Funerals/Viewings/Wakes: social gathering where loved ones are able to be with the body. This can happen at home, a funeral parlor, or a religious location. It can be an open casket or closed casket event. The body can be dressed in a shroud or chosen clothes. This event can be lengthened to multiple days with use of embalming, or temperature control so long as a physician or nurse practitioner signs the Medical Certification of Death within 48 hours.
  • Funeral/Memorial/Celebration of Life: social gathering where loved ones gather to grief, share stories, and say goodbye, these do not usually include a body.
  • Living Funeral: An option for the person who is dying to attend their own funeral! Plan a celebration amidst your decline to soak up all the love, toasts, and roast, and say goodbye in a way that feels meaningful to you.